While You Were Out...

So, it's been three years since my last entry. I was never particularly good at journaling, either. Years ago, I received several blank journals as a gift. Just fifty more pages, and I'll be fifty-five pages into the first one. Some changes have taken place that will undoubtedly appear in future posts, provided I remember my account information and that I'm actually blogging again. I've lost about forty-five pounds, which will eventually prompt a new profile picture. I'm rather pleased with my appearance, even if I do say so myself. I've received many compliments, and several friends have asked my secret, but it's not an easy method: chronic illness. About eighteen months ago, I was diagnosed with diabetes. The onset was relatively fast, and I may have caught it sooner myself if not for complete ignorance about the symptoms. After all, I'd been walking back and forth to work for months and thought the weight loss meant that it was all starting to pay off. I also thought all the walking was why I was so thirsty all the time, and that all the drinking was why I had to urinate every fifteen minutes around the clock. Literally. I ended up spending a week in the hospital and began insulting and oral medication. While hospitalized, an MRI and ultrasound revealed some kidney stones. Not too many--only about 150. The real surprise was having stones at all, since I hadn't felt anything for five years. Apparently, I'd been making them all along. Thus began a six month course of lithotripsy, living with long-term stents, frequent recouperations, and missed time at work. Roughly four months into this process, I visited the emergency room after not being able to move my left arm for two days. The doctors shoved a hypodermic into my inflamed elbow and drew out fluid heavily laden with uric acid: gout. The immediate diagnosis was renal insufficiency, which my family doctor upgraded to moderate chronic kidney disease. It's stage three of a five stage illness. I've been seeing a nephrologist ever since, watching my condition progress, and taking more medications than I care to mention or can easily afford. Adjusting to my altered state of health has been challenging. As painful as the first gout flare was, it was nothing compared to future flares which attacked multiple joints simultaneously. There are days when my blood glucose soars and I'm caught in the grips of confusion, disorientation, and rage. There are days when it plummets, and I feel dizzy and weak. All too often I feel nauseous with no direct reason, and these spells can strike with startling speed. My circulation has deteriorated to the point where I need a sweater in 70-degree weather. At the same time, however, I have been able to strengthen my resolve and keep working when so often it would be easier and feel so much better to collapse and vomit. I participated in the local walk for the National Kidney Foundation this past summer to put a foot down and gain a hold. This may be a long fight and a hard one, but at least I can make it a fight and not a surrender. The hardest parts may yet be on their way, and that will be a future topic, but there's work to be done, raves to rant, monologues to expound, and pomp to presume. See you soon. Stick around.