Taking the Bad with the Good

Reconciliation has been achieved; the wife and I are functional again! I don't have any magic formulas or breakthroughs to share, though; our reconciliation is the result of a lot more selflessness, a lot more relaxing of stances, and a lot more of each of us listening to the other. We're working through our mutual difficulties rather than assigning blame, rediscovering what we want out of the relationship, and opening up to the other more so than to friends and confidants.

Just this past Sunday we hosted several of her friends at our place until rather early Monday morning for an impromptu tattoo party, something of an icebreaker for me to be introduced to her Detroit friends and a kickoff to my vacation from work. We're having a few people over again tomorrow for a little more of the same, but beginning a little earlier in the afternoon.

Probably the best indicator of the improved status of our relationship is the fact that we've put new wedding bands on layaway. She agreed a few days ago to our beginning to wear them again, but discovered within minutes of returning hers to her hand that she's developed a gold allergy, causing small sores to break out on her ring finger wherever the gold made contact. Thus, she's placed a clearance silver engagement band and I a titanium band on layaway, mainly only to wait out the resizing of her ring. Despite the differing materials, they make quite a good match.

The vacation was simply to prevent my 'going postal' at work, and it couldn't have come too soon. Just before it began, a shift manager who has some unknown personal beef against me performed a store walk-through that essentially trashed and discredited any work I had done on the overnight shift. I refused to stay longer than ten minutes to help correct what I know damn well did not need correcting, shoving past her at the time clock to end my shift and leave without a word. I know she made a formal complaint of her walk-through, and I made it adequately well-known before my vacation began that I was not backing down from my position; I've left worse shifts for other shift managers, and inherited worse shifts without complaint--my function is not to ensure that the management that follows me does not have anything to do but take numerous smoking breaks and drink coffee. I return to work in three days, though it is with even less commitment than I've had before. During my break, I've applied to several positions in companies outside the retail industry; it's definitely time to make my break and end this extended temporary transition, although I am still going to try to transfer to the main office in an administrative capacity.

The biggest family hurdle at present is my oldest son's behaviour, or rather the lack of such. Two days ago he achieved his fourth suspension of the current school year, this one for ten days for fighting, which will consume the majority of time left for this school year. He celebrating by picking a fighting with his sister and I after he got off the bus, realized he bit off more than he could chew, and kicked out the largest window in our living room. He ran from the house as I called the police, who were extra helpful as they stood there impotent, explaining that, since this is his residence and it's like he's only destroying his own property, they wouldn't even fill out an incident report on this call. My wife and I are discussing sending him to her mother in Kentucky for an extremely extended respite. Thus far he thinks it's for summer vacation; he's in for quite a shock when he realizes that, not only is he there for the better part of a year or more, Kentucky observes year-round school, in which he'll be enrolled rather quickly. It may be the only thing that enables him to pass the seventh grade, given his disregard and sloth.

We are making progress, despite his lack of same. Much as it may be regrettable that we must consider shipping him off, I have not only my own well being, but that of my wife and two other children to consider. If he doesn't wish to be part of this family, so much the better his removal.