You've Got To Go Back To Go Forward

Been a quiet night so far. The odd and frequent shift changes at work are playing havoc on my sleep cycle, so even though I only worked a seven and a half hour shift, I feel extremely tired. Tomorrow promises to be no better, starting off with a 10:00am meeting at work which will probably last a little over an hour and a half; too early to clock in to run the second shift, too late to bother traveling all the way back home just to turn around and head in again. At least I can wear street clothes in and change into a one of several uniforms I keep in reserve at the store at a later time. The awkward part will be filling in the time between my shift and the meeting, the best prospect for doing so being a combination of window shopping at the nearby Rite-Aid and reading a book in the lobby of the hospital (my store, while selling food prepared on site, offers no public seating areas). If nothing else, I'll have plenty of time to ponder life situations.

I had never thought I'd be forty and considering returning to school. I've contemplate4d several career changes, as well as returning in some way to the music industry, but always thought and somewhat hoped that I had finished with formal schooling. Never had any dislikes about school; actually quite enjoyed it, showing an affinity for learning and admiring the empirical acquisition of knowledge for its own sake. However, I was always aware that, short of obtaining a position as a university professor or private school teacher, school and university was simply an avoidance of the real world and its associated responsibilities. Even now, some part of me feels that pursuing a fresh education while my oldest children are just beginning middle school is being selfish and doing them a disservice. But, reality is what it is. Everything in this brave new global and electronic society requires a degree, documentation, accreditation, which, subsequently, requires continued formal education.

For some time now, I've considered obtaining a degree in accountancy. Not exactly as adventuresome as law enforcement or social activism, not as brainless as the retail field in which I'm currently imprisoned, accounting presents two definite advantages for me: one, it concerns the cold logic of number as opposed to the whim of people (and is actually akin to my original possession, mathematics and music being opposite sides of the same numerical coin), and two, it's a field with continual and virtually unlimited demand, for there will always be people making money with no considerable ability to manage it, and there will always be taxes. To add a dash of adventure and social relevance, I've heard of a program available locally in forensic accounting, i.e., locating paper trails, discovering covertly diverted funds, off-shore accounts, and other law enforcement applications. I've always had a keen interest in the criminal-science shows like CSI, Criminal Minds, and the true crime stories found on cable television, but never fancied myself a policeman, or tolerating the steps to become one. I can, however, easily envision myself as a grindstone-nosed clerk, pecking away at the numbers and ciphers to reveal a criminal payroll. It's how they got Al Capone, after all.

So, it's time to tap away at the keys, locate some local programs, established the time-commitment required, and see if there's still any financial aid to be had, and take a chance at having a life again, one for myself this time. It's difficult to remember the last time I actually enjoyed what I did, rather than thinking that I preferred what I was doing to what I left that position to do currently. Time to find out if I can get three or four steps forward by taking a few steps backwards.